I can’t believe at my age, I have to do this shit all over again. All my life, I knew what I wanted and who I was, a proud lesbian. Maybe not so much proud when I was younger, but definitely a lesbian. Today, I’m questioning that. Am I really a lesbian?
I ask myself this, because I met someone. A man.
A friend and I made plans to go out to the strip club (because yes!), but we were hungry first and decided to go to one of our favorite Spanish restaurants. There, the manager on duty, Matt, was bringing us free food left and right. I was in food porn heaven, eating all that yummy (free) goodness.
My friend, Paul, thought it would be a good idea to invite Matt out with us to thank him for all of the free food. I agreed, Matt clocked out, and off we went to bar hop before the club.
Everywhere we went, everyone knew Matt, and loved him. He was the man! But to me, he just seemed like a cocky douchebag, and super annoying. Long story short, a few hours later at some point, I suppose had too many drinks, because we became inseparable that night. Holding hands, flirting, calling each other pet names as if we knew each other for years. I have blurry flashbacks of us at the strip club, we were in our own world, and all his attention on me, not the dancers.
I woke up the next morning with the most unbelievable headache, not from the vodka, but from the mind fuck I was experiencing.
“What the hell was that?” is all I could say, repeating it over and over again. Replaying the night, the flirting, the connection, his smell, his touch, our laughter. My mind was blown, completely.
A few days later, we made plans to hang out, but I blew him off, to keep it a textual thing. I was intrigued by him, but so weirded out about the whole situation at the same time. After about 2 months of this cat and mouse game, I decided to end communication.
4 weeks passed, and I couldn’t get him out of my head. I didn’t want to pursue anything with him, so I became curious to know if I could feel the same spark with another man. Was this a fluke? I mean, I’m super gay, there’s no way this could happen again, right? Just the thought of me being with a man, sexually, is sooo far from my desire right now, I can’t even daydream about it. I’ve been totally grossed out about boys since I was a little girl.
Paul and I met up again, for brunch this time, and after weeks of contemplation, I blurted out to him, “I’m gonna start dating men”. He nearly choked on his spit, lolol. He wanted to know alllll the details, though he was confused and taken aback. We lifted our beers to cheers, and he congratulated me on my journey to penis. Just then, I hear a voice next to me repeat, “Congratulations!”
I turn around, and I see this cute gentleman smiling at me that looked a bit like Doogie Houser, “What are we cheersing to?”
“Hi… umm… cheers to being single. Are you single?” I ask.
“Yes, actually. I am single… and I’m Jim. Cheers!”
And so it begins…